A Few Good, Pithy Tax Quotes

Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.
– F.J. Raymond

“The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to get the most feathers with the least hissing.”
– Jean-Baptist Colbert

“What at first was plunder assumed the softer name of revenue.”
– Thomas Paine

“The Internal Revenue Code is “about ten times the size of the Bible — and unlike the Bible, contains no good news.”
– Don Nickles

“There are two systems of taxation in our country: one for the informed and one for the uninformed.”
– Learned Hand, Judge, United States Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit

“A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something right.”
– Author unknown

“The wages of sin are death, but after they take the taxes out, it’s more like a tired feeling, really.”
– Paula Poundstone

“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw

“God, I thank you that I am not like other men— robbers, evildoers, adulterers— or even like this tax collector.”
– Luke 18:11, New Testament, New International Version – UK

“The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government.”
– Barry M. Goldwater

“What does that candyass think I sent him over there for?”
– President Richard M. Nixon on then-Treasury Secretary George P. Schultz’s refusal to authorize tax audits of Nixon’s critics

“I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is — I could be just as proud for half the money.”
– Arthur Godfrey

“If [a United States Supreme Court Justice is] in the doghouse with the Chief [Justice], he gets the crud. He gets the tax cases.”
– Harry Blackmun, Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court

“I have something my tax doctor calls ‘narcotaxis.’ Within 20 seconds of hearing someone launch into an explanation of tax laws, my eyes become glassy, my body loses all feeling, and I go into a shallow coma.”
– former New York Times op-ed columnist, Russell Baker

“I have trouble reconciling my net income with my gross habits.”
– Errol Flynn

“There is just one thing I can promise you about the outer space program: your tax dollars will go farther.'”
– Rocket scientist Wernher von Braun

“We have long had death and taxes as the two standards of inevitability. But there are those who believe that death is the preferable of the two. ‘At least,’ as one man said, ‘there’s one advantage about death; it doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.'”
– Erwin N. Griswold

“You’re acting like a thing from another tax bracket!”
– Buffy the Vampire Slayer

“Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten.”
– Lord Bramwell

“A dog who thinks he is a man’s best friend is a dog who obviously has never met a tax lawyer.”
– Fran Lebowitz

“It was obvious that the size of your chest was in direct proportion to the size of your salary.”
– Exotic dancer, Cynthia Hess explaining why she successfully sought to have her size 56FF breast implants declared a tax deductible business expense.

“Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.”
– Anonymous – from a bumper sticker

“I believe there should be a tax on all foreigners living abroad.”
– Monty Python’s Flying Circus

“I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried but they wanted cash.”
– Anonymous

“People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women.”
– Unknown

“The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.”
– Albert Einstein

“Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form.”
– Laurence J. Peter

“Taxation with representation ain’t so hot either.”
– Gerald Barzan

“I was raised to believe that Scotch whisky would need a tax preference to survive in competition with Kentucky bourbon.”
– Hugo L. Black, Associate Justice, U.S. Supreme Court

“Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf.”
– Will Rogers

“What makes the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist only takes your skin.”
– Mark Twain

A ‘tax loophole’ is “something that benefits the other guy. If it benefits you, it is tax reform.”
– Senator Russell B. Long (D-Louisiana 1948-1987)